I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

The instant the lid was lifted, golden light enshrouded the entire restaurant.

 “What blinding light!” Lan Caihe narrowed his eyes as he let loose a cry of surprise.

 “This is the revered light of first-rate dishes!” Zhang Guolao clearly knew what he was talking about, and his eyes lit up as he spoke.

 Immediately afterward, countless mesmerizing images began to appear before everyone’s eyes.

 Not only was there a show for the eyes to behold, but there was also an accompanying auditory spectacle as well.

 A resonant female voice began to sing the song “Today Is A Good Day”!

 “Today is a good day, everything you wish for will come true. Today is a good day, I opened my door and was welcomed by the spring breeze…”

 “The singing is very pleasing to the ear, and it’s also extremely relevant to the ecliptic day of fortune. How exquisite,” Han Xiangzi praised as he listened with an entranced expression.

 What was the ecliptic day of fortune? Among the twelve divine fiends of the almanac, there were six that were referred to the six ecliptic gods, and they were respectively known as Qing Long, Tian De, Yu Tang, Si Ming, Ming Tang, and Jin Kui. The day during which all six of these ecliptic gods appeared at once was known as the ecliptic day of fortune.

 After the phenomena disappeared, all eight immortals turned their eyes upon the dish on the table.

 Qing Long revolved around the exterior like an azure dragon. Tian De and Jin Kui fell from the sky like gold coins glinting with alluring light. Si Ming was a chicken that had manifested itself into the form of a phoenix that spread its wings in pursuit of the stars, and Ming Tang along with Yu Tang were fresh, sumptuous vegetables that were like items of clothing to further captivate the beauty of the phoenix…

 The bodies and souls of all eight immortals trembled in unison at this sight.

 An irrepressible urge welled up in their hearts.

 I want to eat this!

 Initially, all eight of them picked up their chopsticks in a reserved manner. After all, they had lived for so long and had seen pretty much everything this world had to offer.

 However, their calm facades were instantly shattered after they took their first bites.

 All eight immortals shuddered in unison.

 “Ah… This flavor…”

 “Oh my God!”

“Oh…”

 “Gasp…”

 Vital energy suddenly surged as their chopsticks flashed through the air at extreme speed, leaving a series of afterimages in their wake!

 “Get away from those chicken wings! They’re mine!” Lü Dongbin screeched as he swatted away the other pairs of chopsticks by wielding his chopsticks like swords.

 “No! I only want those lovely vegetables! Why are you swatting me away?” Lan Caihe’s chopsticks were like delicate blades of grass that somehow managed to hold its own against the other aggressive pairs of chopsticks despite their apparent frailty.

 Celestial Maiden He let loose a delicate cry as the projection of a lotus flower enshrouded a chicken wing. “Lü Dongbin, how dare you claim the delicious chicken wings for yourself without even asking for my permission?”

 “Calm down, everyone! Remember to respect your elders and let me go first!” Iron Cane Li’s chopsticks were infused with his power of the dao of metal, making them extremely fierce and powerful. They broke through Lan Caihe’s defenses before extending toward the piece of delicious meat in the form of an azure dragon!

 “Ptui! Respect your elders? What about cherishing the young?” Lan Caihe yelled as he fell into retreat before battling Zhang Guolao’s chopsticks.

 “You’re already an old bastard, why are you referring to yourself like some innocent child?!” Zhang Guolao flared up.

 “Hehe, I’m the youngest among the eight of us, so I AM an innocent child!” Lan Caihe was unrelenting in his logic, and his attacks gradually grew more skilled and precise.

 Cao Guojiu’s tactics were even more impressive. He was attacking with his chopsticks on the surface, but behind the scenes, he had manifested a small doll with his consciousness and instructed it to grab the ingredients that looked like golden coins.

 These were some high-level tactics he was displaying, and all for some food.

 Unfortunately for him, Han Zhongli possessed the eyes of yin and yang, and he immediately summoned some flames to incinerate the doll into nothingness. “Old Man Cao, that’s not very nice of you!”

 “A man should fight fair and square battles!” Han Xiangzi laughed heartily as he waved his hand through the air, materializing over a hundred nimble little dolls, which dove toward the entire dish all at once!

 “Holy f*ck, Old Man Han, you’re being even more of a sly bastard!!” Han Zhongli was given a massive fright, and he pulled out a fan, which he abruptly waved through the air to summon an explosion of flames.

 Boom!

 The flames erupted with terrifying force.

 The Heavenly Court Chef God An Lin Restaurant was razed to the ground on the day of its grand opening…

 Thankfully, Lü Dongbin and Celestial Maiden He protected the dish at this critical moment. Otherwise, the consequences of Han Zhongli’s actions would have been unimaginable!

 “Holy f*ck! Han Zhongli, are you f*cking insane?” Han Xiangzi let loose a torrent of abuse.

 “You were the insane one first for trying to take the whole dish for yourself!” Han Zhongli roared with laughter.

 Thus, the two of them began battling it out with one another again.

 No, they weren’t battling it out with one another; they were battling it out over the ecliptic sun of fortune!

 An Lin’s heart throbbed with pain as he looked around at the charred remains of his restaurant.

 What the f*ck?! Eight graceful immortals had walked into this restaurant, but why had they transformed into a pack of hungry wolves? Was it really appropriate for renowned celestial immortals like them to be holding a mass street brawl like this?!

 Looking at it now, it was a stroke of genius finding a crappy storefront like this one.

 What was the point of a good storefront? It would just get blown up anyway!!!

 After an intense battle, the eight immortals had finally exhausted themselves and lay panting heavily on the ground.

 The ecliptic sun of fortune had been devoured by them.

 Han Zhongli panted as he said in a slow voice, “Huff huff huff… I had never thought that we would fight over a dish someday.”

“An Lin’s cooking skills are truly exemplary!” Celestial Maiden He licked her lips with a hint of unfulfilled desire.

 Lü Dongbin nodded in agreement. “I give full marks to An Lin’s cooking!”

 “Haha, you’re all far too kind, Seniors. If you like my dishes, you can come again tomorrow,” An Lin said with a buoyant smile.

 “We have to go on a mission to the East Sea tomorrow. Can you make it today? We can pay more than what we did for the first dish!” Zhang Guolao’s inner foodie had been completely captivated.

 An Lin shook his head with a forlorn expression. “I’m afraid I can’t do that, Senior. I can only cook one dish per day due to some special reasons!”

 All eight immortals heaved a disappointed sigh upon hearing this.

 “Don’t worry, An Lin. We’ll definitely help spread the word about your cooking. Your cooking skills are by no means inferior to Chef God Hu Jiahao!” Lan Caihe nodded with excitement.

 All the other immortals also chimed in and announced that they would be more than happy to endorse An Lin’s cooking.

 An Lin was ecstatic upon hearing this and gifted a steamer of stuffed buns ignored by Da Bai to them.

 One had to realize that the eight immortals had a large network of friends and acquaintances in the Heavenly Court. If they could promote his restaurant in person, the results would definitely be astounding.

 Thus, the eight immortal food critics left.

 They all made reviews of An Lin’s cooking, which could be surmised by the words—An Lin is worthy of his title as Chef God!

 News of this caused another massive stir in the Heavenly Court!

 The Celestial Thearch’s endorsement was like an official government advertisement. It was reliable, but it wasn’t really down to earth.

 However, the endorsement by the eight immortals was like the most reliable food critic review because they provided their most genuine thoughts and opinions.

 One had to realize that all eight immortals had different tastes. Their combination was exemplified by diversity as they represented men, women, the elderly, the young, the rich, the poor, the highborn, and the lowborn. As such, it was quite a difficult task to please all eight of them with one dish.

 And judging from their reviews, they were not only pleased but pleased beyond belief!

 This indicated that An Lin’s cooking skills could conquer anyone’s taste buds!

 News of this spread through the Heavenly Court like wildfire as countless foody immortals itched for an opportunity to visit that dilapidated storefront.

 An Lin’s restaurant had finally become popular!

 An Lin decided to not sell stuffed buns for now. Instead, he decided to focus on the restaurant in order to establish a reputation first.

 The next afternoon, a huge group of immortals gathered outside An Lin’s restaurant.