The Amber Sword

TL: This… chapter is amazing.

Chapter 36 – Surpass me

Brendel’s mind was greatly shaken. It was his biggest secret in this world. Even though the old and new Brendel had merged together, it was hard for him to explain how the two memories merged together. Even he willed himself to accept everything, there was still a subconscious barrier remaining in him.

[This secret that I wanted to keep locked inside my heart was actually ripped out at the very first moment by the Golden Demonic Tree… No—]

He immediately shook his head. It was impossible for The Golden Demonic Tree to break it open so quickly. That creature must be using the way how he thinks—– Why would Brendel’s grandfather say something like that?

He suddenly understood that he himself would have thought this old man would say something like this.

[I am my own enemy here. The things that I fear and hidden away in my subconscious are reflected on Brendel’s grandfather.]

He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. After realizing that his deepest thoughts in his mind were not revealed yet, the feeling that his defenses were completely exposed to the enemy disappeared, and he calmed down quickly. He had deflected this first attack made by the Golden Demonic Tree by chance, and his current mentality actually stabilized. He gulped and cried inwardly that he was lucky.

Brendel suddenly became quiet. He realized why he had not spoken even once after he pulled his sword. The old man had many chances to completely destroy his mind defense, and yet there was only complete disappointment on his face.

He said nothing, but simply quietly waited and looked at him.

Brendel felt as if lightning had streaked across his mind and lit up every dark corner in his heart. This was not the Golden Demonic Tree’s handiwork of pity.

[No, this is the absolute sanctuary that the youth guarded in his memories!]

Then why?

He took another look at the old man’s face. In the dark corners of his face, was it only disappointment?

Of course it was.

He felt his whole body tremble. Why did the old man feel disappointed?

[Because it was the endless expectations that he had. This is the old Brendel’s memory of his grandfather. He was strict and full of expectations. His eyes are full of disappointment, but it is not to censure. It was in hope that Brendel could understand his feelings behind this expectation.]

[He wanted to let you, the old Brendel, know his love for you.]

Brendel raised his head and gripped his sword tightly. He bit his lips and forced himself to hold back his tears. He thought he understood this world, but realized he did not understand it enough.

“Brendel, remember what I told you? Your back must be as straight as your sword. The men of the Damon family must live proudly. You are my grandson, and the best amongst the rest of them.” The old man raised his swords again.

“Come, let me see what you learned during ten years when I was gone.”

He nodded, unable to stop the pouring tears. These were his grandfather’s words, but they were also not. This was the answer the old Brendel’s heart wanted to have and the path he wanted to cross.

Brendel took a deep breath.

The two swords crossed each other —

“Stand up Brendel. How can a Damon man be so weak.”

“What are you crying for. Would a little torn skin kill you?”

“Speak up, how do you want me to punish you this time?”

The grandfather in his memories who sat strictly on the seat of the elders, who sat silently and looked at him with disappointment.

The grandfather in his memories who was always dissatisfied with seemingly everything that he did.

But the old man in his memories, finally walked the last journey in his life. The Brendel who was a child stood before that bed, feeling his Grandfather’s hand gently placing over his head and stroking his hair, then finally losing its strength and falling across his small face.

It was a rough hand, but made him feel he could be relied on. His sigh at the very end, was it still disappointment, or expectations filled with responsibilities?

Brendel felt the dream state dissolving around him. In his hand was a fading Candlelight emblem that was turning into ashes. He did not speak for a long time.

“Thank you, elder.”

TL: So in case it’s too subtle, the reason for the old Brendel’s weak memories of his grandfather, is because he perceived his grandfather as one who only saw disappointment in him, and at the end of his memories the lines blurred because subconsciously he realized that his grandfather might have loved him deeply, which became the basis for that sanctuary where the Golden Demonic Tree could not breach (the old man did not want to hurt Brendel).

New Brendel realized the truth at the very end and accepted the old Brendel’s memories and feelings. If I have to take a guess at what the grandfather and old Brendel wanted, the title of the chapter is probably a huge hint.

Anyways, hopefully there’s no Engrish here. Please inform me if you spot any mistakes.